


I'm not okay (I promise)

by The_Horrible_Person



Series: To my favorite Irish snacc (again, wikis words) [1]
Category: Multi-Fandom, Original Work, The Sims (Video Games), Video Blogging RPF, call me kevin - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Parents, Adopted Children, Aged-Up Character(s), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Human, Anti-Hero, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Backstory, Bad Parenting, Boarding School, Body Horror, Child Loss, Childhood Trauma, Dark Magic, Dark Past, Darkiplier Mark Fischbach, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Extremely Underage, F/F, F/M, Family Loss, Father/Son Incest, Good Dog Chica Fischbach, Grim Reapers, High School, Human/Monster Romance, Humor, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Insanity, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Jack being Jack, Jim is a Little Shit, Kevin is bad at expressing himself, Kidnapping, Loss of Control, Loss of Parent(s), Loss of Virginity, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Memory Loss, Men Crying, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Molestation, Mpreg, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Touching, Other, Parent Death, Parent/Child Incest, Parenthood, Pedophilia, Phobias, Please Kill Me, Rape/Non-con Elements, Single Parents, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Underage Rape/Non-con, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, kevin is an actual angel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22236493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Horrible_Person/pseuds/The_Horrible_Person
Summary: Jim Pickens was a very cruel man, that was until you got close enough to him. Unfortunately only one person has ever done that, and that "person", was the fucking grim reaper so its kinda impossible to get close to Jim.But why was Jim like this? What made him this wary of people?Well, let's look a little closer at his past.(Based off his original backstory by callmekevin )((totally check him out he's amazing))All I own is my writing.
Relationships: Jim Pickens/Grim Reaper, Mark Fischbach/Sean McLoughlin
Series: To my favorite Irish snacc (again, wikis words) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600630
Comments: 7
Kudos: 46





	1. Little black kitten

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Call me kevin](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Call+me+kevin).



> This fandom doesn't have the angst and grim/jim fanfics I need desperately so now I'm making my own :D
> 
> Be warned, everything only gets worse before it gets better.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gets a little hurt, thank goodness his little black kitten is here to help him clean up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've read the warnings, you know what is gonna happen.

Jim ran, he ran as fast as his stupidly small legs could take him down the damp alley.

The asshole's had found him, AGAIN! It was beyond irritating running from them after school, just so he wouldn't get the shit kicked out of him. Why? He has zero clue, maybe it's because he has white hair at eight, maybe it's because of his to icy cold eyes. But as he said before, he doesn't fucking know.

Jim tripped over a small indent in the concrete, tumbling face first into the ground with his hands extended to try and protect his face. He hit the ground with smack, some of the assholes letting out a wince of sympathy as he let out a groan of pain. Their "leader" snickered and turned his back to the bleeding eight year old, making a motion for his cronies to follow him. Despite most of them being fairly confused they followed the fourteen year old as he walked away, one of the younger cronies even helped Jim sit up before running off to follow her gang.

Jim let out a whimper as his hand ghosted over his busted eye, it had begun leaking blood from the area's where the rocks had got stuck in, a deep reddish yellowish bruise painting the area. Even though he was still fairly dizzy from falling Jim stood up slowly and leaned against the cold brick wall for support, taking baby steps down the alley towards his destination at the end of the area. His hand lifted weakly and twisted the bronze doorknob, using his shoulder to nudge a big enough opening to squeeze in.

"Kimmy! Jak ick Kimmy!" Came a squeal from across the house. Jim smiled weakly as two tiny tots clumsily ran towards him, two sets of chubby hands reached out towards him and eloped his skinny legs. Jim chuckled at the tots as they whined when he stepped out of their hands.

"Come on guys, I gotta go clean up, then we can cuddle." Jim said as he awkwardly avoided their hands on his way to the bathroom.

"Yous promis?" Jim nodded at his siblings, apparently satisfied they both ran off to their room. 

Jim let his smile slip as he opened the bathroom door, sliding down the dirty door once he closed it. He pulled his knees up to his face and let out a quite sob, to which a tiny black kitten replied to. 

"Meow?" It was almost as if the kitten could understand Jim's need for comfort, as it jumped up and out of the bathtub, and trotted over to Jim's side to clean his hand. It was comforting, a grounding movement that Jim's body replied to, making him let out a rumbling purr from deep in his chest. 

They stayed like this for while, the kitten cleaning his wounds as he cried his little soul out and purred.

God sometimes he thought God had sent this baby down from heaven, maybe he'd believe it if God was real.

But he wasn't.

Because God wouldn't have let his dad fuck him every night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooofff, I love cats tbh and I just can't help but put them in everything.


	2. This is going to be a long life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janet gets one part in this play, to bad it sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw hecc, idk how I got so many hits but tysm! I wanted to write in Janets perspective since she's an adult and not a right year old, so I'd be easier if she explained what kinda happened.

Janet stared at the photo of Jim, she had taken it with him when they went to feckland, Jim had only been one then but he was so tiny. He grinned toothily at the camera, chocolate ice cream smeered across his face as his tiny plush of a half starved gorilla hung from his chubby hands.

It had been one of the last times Richard acted like an actual father, they had been saving up for half a year to go to park and when the prices had suddenly dropped they took the chance to go. Richard had acted so happy back then, he had always been a sweetheart, which Janet supposes, is why she had fell for him in the first place.

It didn't matter though, anymore, because he had such a sudden flip in personalities it almost have Janet a heart attack back then. A sweet and loving man to an abusive and manipulative asshole. Jim had only been 6 at the time when Janet was starved, she been fighting with Dick at their living situation, and how inappropriate he had become near Jim. Janet had been pregnant for 5 months at the time when Jim's room was shoved into an enclosed closet, when Richard heard of the news he started to ignore Janet and focus more on the chicks with dicks he brought home. As much as it annoyed her she didn't mind, until he locked her in the bathroom until she died of starvation, at 7 months pregnant. She went through a premature birth and had a little girl and boy named Jack and Damian. They fortunately (or unfortunately) survived because Jim had found them and immediately took the them, since Dick probably wasn't.

Which lead to this mess now, Jim, at the tender age of 8 having to take care of two young weak toddlers, trying to make sure his father doesn't touch his siblings, and having to meet Death and his son constantly. Dick trying to fuck everyone in the celebrity world, and then murdering them, and herself, trying not to go insane as she is forced to watch her ex husband touch her little baby to protect his siblings.

Oh and her twins, her poor twins. Jack struggling to see anything further than five feet in front of her, and getting sick constantly, and Damian with his perfectly beautiful ruby red eyes, being unable to hear shit. Luckily he had been able to see Janet and was (very) slowly learning how to do sign language, while Jack and Jim started to catch on. 

Some times she wishes she could scoop them up in her arms and tell them everything would be alright,and that mama was going to protect them from the big bad man.

To bad the world hated her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheee references no one is going to get *NoIcE*  
> Also! Jack and Damian! I wanted it to be more like jackel and Hyde themed or something but it didn't work so :/ I just went for a reference to Jackel and Hyde and the demon because yes👌  
> Also!!!
> 
> I'm thinking Jack would probably have this chocolaty brown hair with the palest skin, probably with some icy blue eye because tbh that'd be adorable. And then Damian would have these bright red eyes that nobody understands how he got, with also pale skin, and a billion freckles because I am weak for freckles. He'd also have white (which is just super blond) curly hair because I can and will have adorable baby siblings for Jim to love.
> 
> God damn I just wanna write so much fluff you have no idea akndoansjak
> 
> ALSo! Uwu because everything is gonna get sadder I'm so sorry amdjajs amen


	3. Why I'm here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim has a little night terror and reminds himself why he's here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop, non graphic rape (well kind of,we don't get that far but it's heavily implied)

_"Dad...Where's Damian?" A little boy asked his father, the father just stood and starred at the small child, the red goop dripping off his hands._

_"I'm not sure, probably in his bedroom crying again." The father rubbed his eyes, the red goop smearing on his nose and eyes. The little boy nodded and tried to quickly scamper off towards Diamians' bedroom, only to have the collar of his dulled shirt to be yanked back and dragged towards his father's bedroom._

_"Dad, please, I need to go feed them tonight! PLEase just allow me to skip it this once-" The little boy was interrupted halfway through his plea with his father roughly throwing him on the uncomfortable bed and pouncing on him. Desperate lips smashed onto him even as the little boy squirmed under the beast and tried to push him away, the beast let out a deep growl which instantly made the boy pause._

_The little boy sobbed harshly as he hid in the bathroom, oh had it hurt to sit down and feed his siblings, especially right after the beast had done that. There was still left over bits of evidence on him even after the thorough cleaning, he knew it was their somewhere._

Jim woke up with a silent scream beside his little sister, he quickly checked what the weight was on his chest only to find a familiar pair of violet eyes looking at him. Jim let out a weak chuckle and felt for his little brother and sisters hands, holding them tightly once he had found them.

This was why he was doing this. 

So nobody could touch his family, or pull them apart.

This is why he has to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter! The next one will be out soon!


	4. Emotional trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something doesn't feel right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeee a time skip to Jim in his early teens (13) when shit starts to go down
> 
> uwu I'm stupid

Jim starred at his hand as the bus bumped and jumped whenever they hit a dent in the road, trying not to hurl everywhere.

It had started out so nicely today, he had woken up only partially covered in sweat and got up quickly but carefully to go make breakfast. He knew his siblings would be quite hungry while he was away so he hoped that a large breakfast would at least soothe some of the hunger pains. Taking out six slices of bread, he slapped jam on all of them and but two on each three . He wasn't going to eat today, he was fat as it was so missing some food wouldn't harm him.

Quickly shoving his pencil and note book into his tattered bookbag, he slung his old baby blue sweater around his shoulders and shoved his muddy brown sneakers on his bare feet. Rushing out the door just in time to catch the bus, timidly walking down the half full rows of seats and plopping down in the back seat. He clasped and unclasped his hands in nervousness in the prospect of going to a new school, one for very bright students of all. 

His father had been understandably angry that his little bitch was going to school instead of staying home and playing the role of a babysitter. Jim while he loved his brother and sister couldn't stand to be at home... Mostly because his father was there but that's his fault, all his fault.

Everything is his fault he should've been a better son, should've been a better brother, should've been dead instead of his mother. Oh he caused all this pain, it was his fault for not hanging himself, he should've died like they all told him, now all he was was a worthless whore, useless slut who capture his father's lust and made him hate his mommy, he was such a mistake, he should starve, starve like his mother did when she was-

"Hello there! My name is Chica! What's yours?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now I wanna die :D
> 
> I.know this actually sucks but I'm sorry;-;


	5. Flashbacks are fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little information on what happened last night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to restart this fanfic but I don't wanna just keep doing that all the time so eee I continued on with me storyline

His heart ached from self deprecating thoughts his brain threw at him at rapid fire, his lungs burned from the rough and few breaths he had been taking since it started. His arms had long since started burning from the abuse he had subjected them to half an hour ago.

Placing his slightly shaking hand on the musty wall, he pushed himself up on to weak legs, leaning his shoulder against the wall as well for more support. It hadn't been that bad this time he reasoned, it was only a minor breakdown. Just a few dozen cuts littered his arms and stomach. He was getting better at this, he had stopped making as many cuts as he could possibly stand and went more for the deepness in a cut instead, since he only had razor blades he had the slice the arm in one area many times before finally feeling satisfied by it.

As he forced himself to walk as fast as he could towards his bedroom, a quiet meow from behind him sounded out. He snapped his neck towards the noise grateful to just see his little kitten was following him. Jim smiled softly and picked up the pace so the small bean wouldn't have to wait long to cuddle with him.

Finally when he managed to get his tiny bean on the bed and then lock the door behind himself he scooped up the kitten and flopped down into the disgusting old mattress, curling around the ball of purring adorableness as he tried to fall asleep. He did have school in the morning and he'd have to wake up before his siblings so he could fix them on final breakfast before he was sent off to boarding school.

  
God, he'd sure miss his small bean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still actually wanna die, but let me just say that I fUCKING LOVE ALL U BOOTIFUL SOULS WHO HAVE KUDO, LEFT A COMMENT, OR EVEN JUST READ MY DUMPSTER FIRE! I have two other fanfics I'm trying to keep up on so it's kinda difficult updating regularly, especially with my school work ;( but every kudo I get on any of my works makes me smile so thanks for doing that my doods.
> 
> Next chapter should be out soon!


	6. Grim is a asshole (pt one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chica?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry

"oh-I'm uh, Jim... Jim Pickens..." Jim smiled meekly at the large ball of energy, the girl had long blonde hair that seemed to have a mind of its own, her eyes were a dark chocolate brown and seemed to also hold a fairy like sparkle in them. She wore a pastel pink shirt and a long baby blue skirt, her shoes were also a strange green and red checkered pattern.

"Well Jim, seems like your my new friend! I can't wait to get to school, my dad was kinda sad about sendin' me away but I told 'm i'd be on a new adventure and that its alrigh'! Anyway-" Chica continued to ramble much to Jim's slight displeasure, oh well, at least someone wanted to be his friend this year. Jim sighed to himself and looked out the window as his new friend continued to talk his ear off, he watched the world blur into a mess of color as they passed by, nodding every now and again to appease the blonde.

"Hey Chichi, whassup?" A familiar voice said, Jim immediately slammed his face off the window in surprise as the Reapers son sat between him and Chica. Chica let out a yelp of worry and the young reaper just looked at him in amusement.

"OHMYGOSHJIMAREYOUOKAY?" Jim shook his head vigorously up and down, making his now headache even worse. The reaper laughed at him as Jim let out a painfilled sigh and rubbed his aching skull, and then promptly smashed face first into the rock hard leather seat in front of him when the bus suddenly stopped. Jim moaned as Chica dragged him off the bus and dropped him on the ground with his mostly empty trashbag (bookbag).

"Wow, Your kinda sad, no powers, no clothes apparently, and no intellect." The reaper sneered at him in what was probably suppose to be a threating way, but at that point all Jim could see was red.

"Excuse me Asshole, I have a brain unlike you. You probably just got into this school because of your stupid fucking powers. Now if you don't mind me- I am going to spend some time with someone who is worth shit." And with that, Jim slung his ugly bookbag onto his shoulder and stomped off, ignoring the huge headache he had now. Unfortunately he didn't realise how confusing his life was going to become soon.

**"This is going to be fun"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chica is Markipliers Dog! (expect I made it his kid, yeah if you think that's weird boy were just getting started with this)


	7. Grim is not an asshole pt2?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is having a little trouble sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a big disaster and so is this

Jim had forgotten how long he'd been running, it must've been hours by now, or maybe he was stupid and he had just been running for a minute or two. However long it had been his throat had begun to burn as hot as fire, and his lungs felt like they had lead in them. His feet at this point were guiding him, as he had long since lost track of where he was going. Suddenly his right foot caught onto a rock, sending him hurtling towards the ground, expect it wasn't a ground, it was-

"Hey, Jim your screaming is going to wake the entire Atlantic city." Jim shot up in surprise as a cold hand settled onto his shoulder, it should've been jarring but instead it felt kind of...comforting?

"Hey Jimmer, you with me asshole?" Jim shot Grim a dirty look the second the edgy teen mentioned the terrible nickname. Grim shot him a smirk back that made Jim send him the middle finger, causing the edgy teen to laugh scaring Jim. God what he would give to change whatever was happening right now.

"Jim, why are you having night terrors?" FUck gO bAcK Go bACk-

"Jesus dude, no need go have a heart attack, sorry I asked." Jim calmed down his breathing fairly quickly and shrugged to Grim, who in turn just raised an eyebrow.

"I-its w-wh-what ev-er. Can I go b-back t-to sle-ep?" Grim gave him a look that read 'bitch your going to tell me one way another '.

The second the closed behind his 'roommate' He flopped down on the bed again, starring at the colorless ceiling and let a little sigh.

_'Guess I'm not going to sleep again '_ He thought bitterly to himself, raising his hands up to his face so he could chew on his nails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if any of this shite makes sense but I refuse to give up!
> 
> Also this https://www.deviantart.com/chilly-little-snek is my deviant art, so if any of you wanna come yell at my ass I am there, posting shit almost every day.
> 
> Also depression
> 
> Also DEPRESSION WHAT IS THIS FANFIC????


	8. And fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And fuck
> 
> Tw; panic attacks and reference to past sexual assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all wanna either kill me, join me in my discord disaster of group, or want to request a prompt from my discord friends series or be in it.
> 
> Here's my discord Insomniac-vampire-noodle#3501  
> And here's my group https://discord.gg/59PKs9

"Mr. Pickens, are you paying attention" Jim ignored his teachers address towards him and kept starring into the void. It had been a extremely long night and he was exhausted and done. After his second nightmare he gave up on sleep and tried to do as much homework as he could before everyone some up. It was kind of difficult walking straight second but he'd survive, probably (not).

"Mr. Pickens, are you ignoring me?" He didn't feel like he had the strength to speak so he just slowly shook his head, and then promptly screeched when a warmish hand was put on his forehead. Failing his arms in front of him to stop his father from touching him, Jim leaned a little bit to far to the right and fell off his chair, making him even more terrified because when he couldn't fend off his father when he freaked his father always went way rougher. The tears had long since started to fall from his eyes, soaking his face and making his mouth taste like salt.

"Mr. Pickens please listen to me, your having an panic attack darling. I need you to tell me five things you can smell, four things you can hear, three things you feel, two things you can taste, and one thing you can see, alright darling? " A soothing voice broke through his panicked haze, he tried to open his eyes only to start panicking again when they were glued shut. A warmish hand enclosed his tiny prying ones, laying them on their chest making noisy breathing sounds. Getting the hint Jim started to try and tackle his hiccuping so he could try and talk.

"I-i-I c-an smell min-ts, s-alt, B.O, du-ust, a-nd bo-oks. I-I can he-ear mus-ic, brea-th-ing, talk-ing, and c-lap-ing. I can feel warm hands, the ro-ugh fab-ric of clo-thes, and my hair. I can t-aste salt and... Paper? And I see you.... " Jim frowned at his teacher, not because she had helped him, but because she saw him. God, what would his Father think?

"Hey, hey, darling. Look at me, I'm not gonna push you for answers about this right now," Jim breathed a sigh a relief "Your going to have to tell me on Sunday at 3:35 pm in my classroom though." And then promptly choked on said breathe. He went to plead with his teacher, to tell her he was just tried or something stupid, but she gave him a look that said 'I've heard it all ' and stood up. Wiping the nonexistent dust off her kilt she walked back into class, leaving Jim to think two things.

He was done with going to classes right at this second

And fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to kill mmmmyuussseellelflfllflflfkriseks!I d!spslswo


	9. Grim is concern™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grim's prov for once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaahhhh

Grim looked at his slim, insanely pale, friend, Jim Pickens. A lot of the kids in the school wouldn't go five feet near Grim in fear of being killed instantly (Which wasn't TRUE!) So Grim had very (very) few friends. He had Chica, but he didn't really count her because she was A. Insane and B. Friends with literary everything.

Jim however managed to surprise him when he not only sassed him the third time he met him, but also became his quick friend despite Grim thinking he was terrified of death. Jim had grown popular around the school for his "short temper" (which really only showed up if anyone talked bad about his siblings or Janet, he didn't care what they said about Dick) In fact Grim thought he was one of the most patient people he'd ever met besides his dad (they both seemed to have a special spot for him on that scale though, since he could piss both them off pretty easily.)

The only thing Grim had ever worried about the Slim Wonder was the fact he had daily night terrors and panic attacks, which Jim REFUSED to talk about. He also seemed to be pretty weak and prone to fainting even though he was (not that Grim would ever say it to his face) unusually big in his stomach area, not that Grim had ever seen his stomach (or arms, or legs, or anything but his face-) but it was noticeable enough that you could see it. Even with a big stomach his clothing hung off his arms and his pants always slipped down. His hands were dry and cracked even with lotion Grim forced upon him. His eyes seemed dry, he was sick every other week, coughing up a storm, and he got breakouts all over his neck (and possibly shoulders)

Grim was worried as fuck to say the least, especially since he had to constantly bug Jim to eat his meals. He had voiced his concerns to his friend once, but he just brushed it off and said it'd been like this for years.

He wouldn't be concerned for much longer though, because on Sunday he was going to tell his teacher, Mrs. Dexter about his observations. Maybe she could help him?

He sure hoped she would...

He wasn't sure what would happen if she didn't...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can u guess what Jim might have? Tell me below!

**Author's Note:**

> Uwu 
> 
> Credit to CallMeKevin for Jim Pickens and Dick Pickens (also janet) ((and kinda grim))
> 
> Kevin if you somehow find this, A. Say something pls I do desperately want to be noticed by my favorite Irish snacc (that wiki's words not mine) and B. I'm so very sorry you read this I am a very evil 14 year old who makes everything I love have a depressing backstory


End file.
